A few years ago, I was working in the psych unit at the hospital on Valentines night. The older patient whose room I was in began to ask me a series of questions:
“Young man, shouldn’t you be at home with your wife tonight?”
“Um, no ma’am I’m not married.” I responded.
“Don’t you have a girlfriend who cares about you (she really knew how to word her sentences for maximum effect)?”
“Nope, but I get to work here instead and help—“
“DO YOU EVEN LIKE WOMEN?” She interrupted, obviously frustrated with my answers.
I started to laugh, but stopped when her stony expression told me she was serious. After sheepishly explaining that I did indeed like women, I hurriedly finished up and left. I tried not to let the experience bother me; after all, it came from someone in the psych ward (On another occasion there, a different patient told me that because she liked my name, I would go far in life. I’m going to hold on to that one). But year after year as a single in Provo, there are certain things you can come to expect this time of year:
Bad Candy. My boss once told me that the best chocolates come out only during holidays that have Jesus in them; so only Christmas and Easter (although I’ve never tried any Lent or Yom Kippur chocolates). Whenever I’ve gotten one of those cheap heart-shaped box of Stouffer’s chocolates, I’ve rarely found one I actually liked. It’s a good thing my life isn’t like a box of chocolates, because I hate dark chocolate and mints.
A sudden influx of engagements. Every year, we take bets on how many engagements will be posted by the next day. The winner last year was spot on at 9. Welcome to Utah.
Unsolicited words and advice from married friends. After they start appearing again after going off the grid after getting married, those friends just love to talk about marriage and how they want everyone else to have it too. After I tell them of my nonexistent dating life, I will often get responses such as:
“Don’t give up, it’ll happen!”
“Let me set you up with someone, they’ve got a great personality (this last part isn’t spoken, but usually implied)!”
“There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
“But you’re so great/you’re such a catch!”
My response is usually:
Single people parties trying to make a statement. Nothing screams “I’m lonely” like throwing a toga party in your apartment. Other such parties may show up BY single people, FOR single people. Lots of people go on trips too. I don’t know about this year however, I’ll be in St. George with a bunch of friends.
|Watch those hands boys!|
An increase in the amount of marriage articles in the school newspaper. Perhaps this one is more just BYU related. Yes, you usually can find marriage articles on a weekly basis in the Universe, but those are page 2 or 3 articles. The Valentine’s edition is page 1 . . . and two, and three . . . actually it’s the whole paper essentially. You can check out such winning articles below like:
“‘I do’ at BYU” (If you’re 24, you’re really pushing the bar)
“Tying the knot in College” (ironically followed a couple weeks later by “Divorced students at BYU”)
“Single’s Awareness: The 5 Stages of Breaking Up Playlist” – (Aw, they were considerate and decided to remind us that we’re not married!)
A few years ago, there was a story on Tinder and how weird it was. When it started actually getting people together and getting married, the paper did a lot more articles and seemed to endorse it.
Better luck next year friends. Maybe you’ll meet someone at that toga party.